


The River Begs For Patrocles

by kaulayau



Series: Bright Red/Silver Dust (Last Words of a Shooting Star) [7]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, i'm upset, the way she looked up at the sky???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 06:43:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14711082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaulayau/pseuds/kaulayau
Summary: That's too high a price.





	The River Begs For Patrocles

**Author's Note:**

> Are we past the point for spoiler warnings for Infinity War yet? Idk man
> 
> Thank you for reading!

She knows they have lied to her. They have lied to her about herself, about themselves, about their country, about everything else. They believe that they have done it in her best interest — for own security — but that was not for them to decide. Never. She is not a child, and hasn’t been since her brother grabbed her arm from under the bed and a Stark Industries explosive refused to kill them. She does not remember what happened before, or what happened after — but she still remembers the smell. The smoke. The sweat.

Is _Vision_ lying? He said he loved her. He said he wouldn’t feel any pain — if he wasn’t in pain, he wouldn’t have been on his _knees_ — oh, there is no _peace_ in this — they don’t trade lives, that’s what she heard Steve — why is he — why —

He was vibrant. She saw it all — life, curiosity, color — it courses through him like the blood in her veins — and they took it from her. They took _him_. They — he — Thanos — they —

Who does she blame? Who should she blame but — herself? She — oh, she — everything is becaus of _her_ —

And — all heroes lie, even mighty and shining Avengers. Especially if there are stakes — especially if the world is at an end — especially if there is someone to rescue. If she _thinks_ they are lying, and they are — then she can save herself the trouble of trusting them. If she thinks they’re lying, and they are not — then — then there’s more to them than she thought. But heroes often forget about their black and white morality. It’s a simple thing. Her brother would lie all the time — to their — parents, to their teachers, but never to her — and he keeps at it, even if there was a tease in his voice, even if there were consequences, even when there were smiles fresh and wide on their faces — he was not a hero — he was a _person_ — he made that very clear to her —

But it’s _not_ simple. It never is. Liars always burn. And she’s one of — _them_ now, she supposes — they’ve kept her. Trained her. Embraced her. Cared — cared for her. She’s one of the heroes her brother jokes and laughs about on the broadcasts.

Used to laugh at. It wasn’t a bomb that shattered his bones, not a madman, but a bullet. And — another. And another. And another. And another. Not her bones. Her heart wrenched and tore and screamed — but they were not at all her bones.

(Oh, what did his _voice_ sound like? His _voice?_ No, no, no, _no_ — she can’t lose this too — not here, not now — she _needs_ — she has nearly forgotten his face — there are pictures of him, but only of his whitish hair, and the blur of his speed — when she thinks of him, she can only see a mirror image of herself —)

She has grown older than her twin brother. There is no more time for childish games — Sokovia was a small country with even smaller towns — sometimes, she and Pietro and their school friends would gather in the streets and dream of magic and superpowers — she liked being the mastermind of the team, the genius, the curator — Pietro has strength like a thousand men or Vibranium swords in his fists or wings mades of anything they could find on the day — and they would look to the sky, waiting for the human gods themselves to come and descend and recruit them — liberate them, _save_ them —

Sokovia was an old, boring place — they were children — why did they ever want to _leave_ it? Vision doesn’t quite understand when she tells him — she’s _older_ than him, she’s the older one this time, she has to remind herself — Pietro was born first —

But she was more powerful. The powerful ones survive. That’s what everyone says — or — maybe they’re lying to her again — but —

She’s one of them. She has _become_ one of them, one of the heroes she hated, revered, _feared_ — she is one of them, through and through, overwhelmingly — she looks like one, talks like one, thinks like one, lies like one — they have infected her. She cannot return to the girl she once was. Who was she, once?

What have they lied to her about? _What?_ She doesn’t — she will never — she’s — she doesn’t know.

They _took_ him from her. They were — happy. At least she thinks they were happy. What did they do? What did they do that made them — her — happy? Did he love her? He loved her. He wanted to _help_ her, like — like Clint, and Steve, and Natasha, and — she loves him. She _loves_ him — they’ve said it, they’ve said it — did they mean it? Did they mean it enough?

She’s one of them now. It’s deeply a part of her, whether she cares for it or not, like — everything else. Oh. _Oh_ , but she has _lost_ every part of her worth saving. She has lost it by her own hands — it was _her_ — her fault — she has — heroes are _false_ and _desperate_ and — they cannot hide their pasts — she has lost her past — she _wants_ to hide — 

Heroes save. Who has she saved, but — no — who has she _saved?_ She has never had anything to say. She doesn’t have enough truth inside her body to flicker the ground with lies.

They should have stayed. They should have stayed in bed, they should have stayed under the bed, they should have stayed where they were supposed to stay —

She looks up. Maybe there are heroes there, or maybe — she’s the only one.


End file.
